Marriage Conflict:
Mistakes Women Make

by Larry Solomon

THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO PART SERIES ABOUT SIMPLE MISTAKES MEN AND WOMEN MAKE THAT OFTEN LEAD TO CONFLICT. THE MEN WERE THE FOCUS LAST MONTH. THIS MONTH IT’S THE WOMEN’S TURN.

God created men and women differently to be a compliment to each other. However, the very thing that compliments the marriage can also be the source of conflict. Last month we explored that most marital conflicts begin as a result of unmet needs, especially our emotional needs. Two mistakes men make that contribute to conflict are forgetfulness and ignoring details. These mistakes are not done with the intention of causing conflict. They are simply a result of how men are created.

One of the greatest mistakes women make plays right into men’s mistakes. Women tend to be assuming. This doesn’t come from a desire to cause conflict; it is simply the way God created women.

Most women consider the following statements to be basic facts of life…

“I shouldn’t have to point out the obvious.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell him more than once.”

Both of these are true… when you are talking about another woman! Your husband doesn’t think like a woman. He doesn’t think like you. For example, if you were to place a laundry basket full of clothes in the middle of the living room, you’d expect your husband to notice them and fold them. A little later in the evening when he gets up and steps over the basket on his way to bed, you get your feelings hurt. Men simply don’t pay attention to details. And, the conflicts mount when women assume they do.

“I shouldn’t have to tell him more than once.” Okay, you shouldn’t, but let’s be real. If you just tell him, you will have to do it more than once. Men forget. There is a tactic that will help him remember without having to tell him repeatedly. (This is worth lots of money, ladies!) Utilize all of his senses. Touch him on the chin as you gently turn his head to look you in the eye. Ask him to do something then follow it with a kiss. When you get him to see, hear, touch, smell and taste you… he won’t forget. Utilize all of his senses.

Another mistake women make that slowly causes distance is they are self-critical. The inventor of the mirror was not likely a woman. It seems to be their number one enemy, yet they are drawn to it like a moth to the flame. And woman talking to a mirror is not a fun thing to hear. “I’m fat.” “I hate my hair.” “I don’t look good.”

Your husband doesn’t want to hear you insult yourself. He would punch his best friend in the mouth for talking about you this way. Yes, men want their wives to be attractive. But, there is so much more to attractiveness than looks. It’s an attitude. Any man would rather be with a “Queen Latifah” who’s got a spunky attitude than with a “Super Model” who’s is whining and self-critical. Don’t believe me? Ask your husband.

Larry Solomon is the author of Love Never Fails… But A Marriage Can and Clinical Director of Calvary Center in Phoenix. Calvary Center is a faith-based, nationally recognized residential recovery service facility that was founded in 1964. In addition to treating clients with drug and alcohol addictions, Calvary Center recently launched a 30-day residential treatment program for problem gamblers. To contact Calvary Center call 1-866-76 SOBER (866-767-6237), or visit www.calvarycenter.com.