Decision to Stay Home

by Tara Abramson

Deciding to stay-at-home and give up your job can be a difficult decision to make. Inevitably, the decision to stay-at-home crosses every woman's mind once she becomes a mommy. It's ironic, however, that society rarely validates the option/choice to become a stay-at-home mom.

From personal experience, I know the hard decision facing many women today with little ones. Women have been geared their whole lives to go into the work force. Then when most women face their desire to stay-at-home, they feel confused, inadequately prepared and often times, like a failure.

Society doesn't promote staying at home as a valid future option for young ladies. Educating girls to become thoughtful, intelligent and confident women is right and good. However, society only directs women into future career paths.

Growing up in South-Eastern Ohio, most moms worked outside of the home. The assumed thought was that one would go to school, find a job and eventually fit in a family. The notion of becoming a stay at home mom was one that wasn't modeled in my community. As a result, never did I once consider the option of becoming a stay-at-home mom.

The idea of being only a career person was not only supported, but also perpetuated at the college level. To mention the notion of obtaining an education for anything other than a future career would have been considered archaic. In retrospect, I truly feel that society and institutions of high learning do a disservice to young women by not making them aware of the hard decision that they will have to face when/if they decide to have children. Never did I hear a professor inform me that at some point, I would be faced with the agonizing decision to continue to work or stay-at-home.

Wouldn't society,colleges and women organizations be benefiting young women by notifying them about all the options available? Young women would then be adequately prepared to plan for that which they chose. Isn't the goal of all of these societal outlets like academia and men organizations to inform and education women of all of their choices?

Staying-at-home is not an easy decision. I know how agonizing and scary it can be to give up the security of a second income. I worked until my first son, Isaac, was born. To give the final notice to the school where I was teaching was so excruciating-not about the desire to stayat- home, but rather for the financial ramifications. God then lead me to a part-time online teaching job. This fit really well for a couple of years until the twins came. There just wasn't any way, however, I could continue to teach and take care of three children- especially since the school mandated full-time status for all teachers.

From personal experience, I know what a tremendous financial burden it is to go solely on one income. It is so tight and there are months when I don't know how we'll make it. And to be honest, I know there are women who dearly want to stay home, but cannot because of financial reasons. My heart goes out to them. And yet there are some women who truly do not desire to stay-at-home at all. This article is not to make women feel guilty for wanting to work outside the home. Rather, I want women to know that I feel for their struggle in this decision. So many times, women are forced to go to one extreme side of this issue.

My husband and I feel strongly that staying- at-home is the right thing to do for us and for our family. There are times when I feel like my mind is going to mush and I'm not being intellectually challenged because of scraping cheerios off the floor or emptying completely jellified milk in sippy cups-(those with babies or preschoolers know exactly what I mean). But then I realize that I get to shape the character of my children and watch the desire and excitement of learning with the next generation.

Despite the mush mind and the criticism of many career people, I have that still and quiet contentment of being at home with my little ones. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.