Christmas Debt Can Spark Marital Conflict

by Larry Solomon

Where did 2007 go?

The arrival of a new year takes time to set in. I will likely write “2007” on my checks and documents well into February. It seems every year I need something to make the passing of another year a reality. One thing that has consistently made me accept that passing is when the Christmas bills start rolling in.

Christmas debt can be a great source of conflict in a marriage. It may be the one time during the year when money is spent as individuals rather than as a couple. When one spouse sees what the other has spent resentment can set in that will affect all aspects of the marriage.

Like any conflict, this can be either a source of hurt or an opportunity for growth. What would God want you to do with it? The following guidelines can make this time an opportunity for growth.

What is spent can’t be unspent
Tithing is as important now as it ever was
Avoid future problems with planning and communication

What is spent can’t be unspent. “We can’t afford this,” or “What were you thinking” are statements that will destroy the lines of communication. The past can’t be undone. Dwelling on it will cause resentment. If your spouse spent too much, understand that the intent wasn’t to hurt you. The intent was to show love to a friend or family member (perhaps even you.) We are instructed to forgive just as God forgives us.

Tithing is as important now as it ever was. When money gets tight it is tempting to reduce or eliminate tithing for awhile. Giving in to this temptation can lead to financial ruin. Remember how Jesus pointed out the widow who gave her last two cents? “Truly I say to you this poor widow has put in more than all the others.” God asks us to test Him on this so that He can bless us. Now is an opportunity for spiritual growth.

Avoid future problems with planning and communication. One aspect of forgiveness is learning from the past so as not to repeat it. Now is the opportunity for better communication. Talk about the budget. Discuss a weekly allowance for each other. Agree on an individual spending limit ($100, for example), and discuss anything that exceeds that limit. Next Christmas talk about your budget before the shopping begins.

Instead of dwelling on what is gone (money) dwell on what has been gained (opportunity.) Turn conflict into an opportunity for forgiveness, spiritual growth and a lesson in good communication. .